Depression. Tourettes. Honesty.
anger O.C.D. acceptance
Its something we all know about, but not something we like to talk about. It's an invisible force that can bring even the strongest to their knees.
There are moments I am starting to understand are a product of depression. Anger, Frustration, Clouded thoughts, hopelessness, anxiety.
One moment I can be hopelessly optimistic the next I can barely be moved to get out of bed.
One moment I can be hopelessly optimistic the next I can barely be moved to get out of bed.
Having Tourettes is also not an easy thing to deal with, I am still judged by my outward appearance, people assume that I am on drugs and having a moment I suppose.
Between having visible motor ticks and depression I can be functioning fine and then I have a few ticks and things can go wrong and then I am having a bad day.
Between having visible motor ticks and depression I can be functioning fine and then I have a few ticks and things can go wrong and then I am having a bad day.
When I am upset my ticks get bad, when I am stressed my ticks are bad, when I am excited... You get the point.
I need to stay more under stimulated to keep my ticks under control. I try to meditate but that only helps so much when my thoughts start to repeat I can not turn that off.
Sleep, that is always hard to come by, being a freelancer my schedule is always different and my sleep schedule is never the same.
I some times have to choose between creative process and my level of comfort with my ticks, If i get too involved with what I am doing, I can forget time and then I've gone a day with out sleep, I forget to eat.
My ticks can make my life seem like one big contradiction.
One moment I am excited about being creative and my ticks start going off the charts, The next time they seem to be non existent.
When my ticks are bad, I don't want to be in public. Its embarrassing, my head nods fast and repetitively like the car came to a quick stock 6 times in a second. Then my face squishes at the same time, Then I have to turn my head a few times and boy does that do a number on the shoulder and neck muscles.
But I hate to be alone, I like the company of others, we are meant to be social, but its hard to be social when you feel like a side show attraction or the meth head on the street tweaking out.
I find most intelligent people know what they are looking at and look past it, some people are brave enough to ask questions and educate themselves further.
Having tourettes, I dont fully understand it, medical science has no idea what causes it.
back to depression, With being a freelancer, My highs and lows come and go as a roller coaster, I am happy because I have the work, I enjoy lighting design, but as soon as the gig comes to and end, I feel a depression because the feeling of the night rode on the show and as I descend my emotions drop like a wet bag of sand.
That is all I have for now, More to come and hopefully more organized thoughts.
#KYLEMARTINTHEED #PHOTOGRAPHY
#POTUS #NATURE #DOBERMAN #LIGHTINGDESINER #BEACHLIFE #SALTY
#WATERFALL #TRUMP #EATATJOES #MARTINLIGHTING #CLAYPAKY #ROBELIGHTING
#Tagforlikes #Google #LOVE #Kanye #KyleTheed
No comments:
Post a Comment